If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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