In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
