so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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