New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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