Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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