she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
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I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
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Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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