Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
