She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
