I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
i've created a new STD.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
