eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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