You smell like stripper and shame
my sisters under your porch take her home
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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