just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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