her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
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