Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
