i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
