OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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