in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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