why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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