hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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