..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
