Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize