Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
