Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
