I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
