walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
