she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
