You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
