shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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