Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize