my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
