Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
