is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
