Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
