After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
