I want to stick my p in your. b.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
