nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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