Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
