They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
