Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
