At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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