just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
