I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
