Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just found a bag of teeth...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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