This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
