There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize