Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
