I heard we made out
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
