I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize