why didn't you poke me back
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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