Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
