I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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