help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
