My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
