oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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