At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
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If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
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last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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