I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
