just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
