Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
