just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
where am i from again
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
