I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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