I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
