All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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