i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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