Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
