the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize