I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
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I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
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Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
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